Being the partner of a player can be as lonely as it rewarding. Five cricketing better halves reveal all
Tanya Aldred23-Jan-2011Modern cricketers have fewer secrets than any in history. By tweet, blog, television, radio and print, they seem hungry to reveal their best shot, favourite type of coffee, and views on the recession. But one side of their lives remains hidden – just what it is like to live with them? How do you cope with the effects of the county grind, day after day, April to September? What is it like the other side of all that kit, the dressing-room banter, the nights away, the elation, the injuries and the circling black dog? Two teachers, a jazz singer, a stay-at-home mum and a television producer gave us a glimpse into that world, into how their husband not being picked for the Twenty20 can be a godsend, and when a crowning moment of triumph brings an evening of despair.Adam Hollioake gets a kiss from his wife Sherryn after winning the 2001 Benson & Hedges Cup•PA Photos”Robin played a lot at Durham and was contracted in the holidays. In theory I should have known what was involved in being the partner of a cricketer, but it came as a huge shock. I don’t think I can have been fully engaged in the cricket side of things.I used to find the all-or-nothingness quite hard to deal with. I used to long for him to leave the house at nine and be back at five. I’m terrible at goodbyes – it’s a bit pathetic really. It was hard moving down to Sussex away from friends and family and then finding that he was away so much of the time.He used to be really withdrawn during the season and I couldn’t get through to him but he improved and never sulked. Sometimes after a bad day he made a huge effort and sometimes the effort subsided as the evening continued.I think for a time Robin couldn’t come to a single one of our friends’ weddings, which he didn’t seem to mind because he so loved what he was doing, but I minded desperately. And I actually found it easier to cope with Robin being away after we got a child.But it is lovely to have a husband who is doing his passion, who comes home looking tanned and well and fit and happy. And Sussex is a lovely club with a most lovely atmosphere. People I’ve never heard of knit Missy cardies. I’m a very perverse person. For years I hated it so much I couldn’t say the word ‘cricket’. Now I’m thinking it’s not so bad.The hardest time was when we won the first Championship in 2003. It wasn’t that I was jealous, it was just that I felt excluded. It was almost as if the players were closer to each other than anyone else – they were all hugging in the corner and we, the partners, didn’t know what we were supposed to be doing.I know of a few arguments that night and was relieved to find other wives felt the same. They learnt a lesson, so the next time they won they had a night to themselves and then a night when they really thanked us, which was much better.I wouldn’t say I’ve been a greatly supportive wife on the cricket front. I don’t really watch. I went to the C&G final and it was lovely to see him but I don’t find it very thrilling. He doesn’t come and watch me work and his mum didn’t watch his dad [the journalist Christopher Martin-Jenkins].To a future cricket wife I’d say: ‘If you have a sociable nature, then get involved with the other wives, but if you’re a bit anti-social like me, have a passion that is all yours. Take each day at a time and don’t look at the fixture list. It is never as bad as it looks on paper.’To the cricketer I’d say: ‘Don’t underestimate that it is quite tough.’ I don’t mean to sound wet and I know lots of jobs must be difficult to live with but I’d emphasise consideration and kindness. A lot of wives find it hard.””I didn’t know what I was letting myself in for, not until I was heavily involved. But it has more ups than downs. There aren’t many professions where you can watch your partner when he is at work. We’re not far from the County Ground, and as long as the sun’s out, we’ll go once or twice a match. Five or six partners regularly go and watch.We were quite lucky because Brayden was born on the last day of the cricket season. So for the first few months, when I wasn’t getting any sleep, Graham was around. But I’m quite independent anyway. Graham is like a whirlwind, so when he comes home I’m always on at him to pick this up, pick that up; he would like to turn the volume down on me.He was injured this summer [for 13 weeks] and it’s been a nightmare. The poor thing’s been bored out of his mind, restless, and can’t do everyday things because of his foot. And there is double the amount of washing and housework.I can tell straightaway if he’s had a bad day. He’s not a bad-mood sort of person but he goes quite quiet, reviews what has gone wrong if it’s on the telly, and I know not to pile loads of things on him. But he handles most things pretty well, especially when he sees Brayden.It can feel like he is a million miles away if I’m having problems with the little one and he can’t come and ease the load at the end of the day. But come the autumn it is nice having an extra pair of hands, and he has a good bit of time off, especially over Christmas.”Allan Lamb and his wife dressed as plum fairies at a fancy dress party on the tour of Australia•Getty Images”Singing is my thing but I teach as well and I’m working on an album. Actually we met when he was playing sax in a jazz band and I was singing. He had to miss lots of rehearsals for cricket.We’re both interested in what the other person does, which is good. I love sport, and though cricket wasn’t one I was really into, I like the one-day games and Twenty20. Stephen plays a bit of guitar and sings when he thinks I’m not listening. He comes and watches me sing and I make him come and watch all my student performances as well.I wouldn’t say I’ve found it difficult being married to a cricketer. I’m not used to routine and I’ve never had a nine-to-five job myself, so I’d probably find that more difficult. Living with someone who has a similar sort of lifestyle to me, and moving around, meeting new people, I kind of like that.I do follow his progress on Cricinfo – my mum more than me, though Stephen is pretty good at not bringing things home. I might push him to talk immediately after a loss but it doesn’t always get a result. And you sometimes do feel a bit helpless, especially if he’s going through a bad patch.Neither of us is a real risk-taker, so moving counties took a lot of thinking about. Worcester is a lovely place and he felt a lot of loyalty to them. But Lancashire is fantastic and he is really happy and feels like he is being challenged. I’m not good at moving house but the decision was both of ours. To relocate and potentially start again is quite daunting but you have to do these things and I think in the long run it will be good for me, too.””It’s a bit strange because I have all of the summer off and he is busy. I do go and watch him when he is at Derby or plays his club cricket on a Saturday, but though I’ve been introduced to an amazing new world, much to my disappointment it isn’t like Footballers’ Wives.What quite annoys me is that people assume I know naff all about cricket, but I’d say I now know more than most guys. I do talk to him about how he did but obviously I wouldn’t say, “You had a rubbish day.” Last summer he got a six-for and was Man of the Match and I made a fuss. If it has been a bad day, I’ll put some rubbish TV on and get something nice to eat.I’ve done loads of different jobs and they all have their stresses. The thing about Jake’s job is that it so public. The media make comments about him and other people feel they can too. I think he takes it very well. I don’t have to hide all the glasses or anything.It’s a bit strange, come October. I’m quite independent, so it is different having him here all the time, but it is dark and cold and nice to come home to someone and we have our holiday in the winter.I would say that if you hated cricket it would be a big problem in a relationship. You have to master the basic rules of the game, you couldn’t talk to your partner otherwise. If you go to a game, take a lot of warm clothes. And don’t expect it to be glamorous.My students always giggle when I say ‘wags’ but the wives and girlfriends that I meet are all intelligent, very nice people. A lot of them are teachers. It would be nice if people were a little bit more open-minded, though cricketers aren’t very high-profile. No one is going to scrutinise my clothing choices.”David Gower with his wife at a charity race•PA Photos”It is probably getting towards the end of Luke’s career but I don’t ever think, ‘Oh good, not long left’, because it’s a great job, he loves it, I love watching it with a lovely group of wives and partners at Lancashire, and it will be a big thing suddenly not having it.This summer, though, for the first time, I’ve said to Luke that I do feel lonely. There are times when you are at home with the children and you’ve moved away from your family and your husband is away, when it is hard. I could go to any game with the kids, in theory, but it would affect Luke’s sleep and he comes home every day exhausted and needs 10 hours a night to do his job properly.Luke was away when I learnt I would have to have IVF, but when we started the injections in June 2008 he was able to come to all the appointments because he wasn’t playing in the Twenty20. That was a godsend. You have to inject either your thigh or your stomach and Luke has got quite shaky hands and on the second day he had a go and it was an absolute nightmare, he stuck the needle in and I started to bleed. Then he tried to snap a vial and it all went everywhere and I said, ‘Okay, you just sit and stroke my hair.’ He might have been better with his gloves on. But it was lovely to have him there as support.But when Amelie and Albie were two weeks old he had to go to Dubai for a fortnight on a pre-season tour. He didn’t want to go. It is a long time apart when you have only just met and he said he could sympathise with the England players who say they don’t want to miss their kids.I do wonder what Amelie and Albie think about not seeing him for five days at a time during the season – Luke worries that he is going to come home and they aren’t going to know who he is, but they are so excited when they see him. I’d love it if he keeps playing for long enough that they know it is him on the field. I cut nice articles out and stick them in their scrapbook, though Luke refuses to read any of them.One of the bad things is the kit around the house – each year they get a new set. Luckily the dressing-room attendant has a big washing machine, although I only found this out last year. Luke had been bringing it all home. Though when he went on a pre-season tour he came back with his bag full of clean and folded washing. Dominic Cork had done it all.”